Thursday, October 30, 2014
Close to Nowhere
Overcooked leftover pizza
This is not my story. It’s my youngest brother’s story. And you have to promise not to tell him that I put this story in the paper. He might kill me for it.
But it’s so funny. And it’s so not typical of my brother.
He’s a “stationary engineer,” which means that he operates, runs and fixes the huge boilers that hospitals, etc. have for heat and maybe other stuff. I’m not sure.
He’s also fond of leftovers. One day last week, at work, he had a couple slices of leftover pizza for his lunch. He put one in the microwave that’s in the office of the entire boiler floor.
He set the microwave for two minutes and was enjoying his first slice of pizza as the other one was nuking.
He’d set the microwave, he thought for the usual two minutes. That’s what he got for thinking! He’d set it for 20 minutes.
Do you have any idea what happens to a single slice of pizza after about 10 minutes or so in a microwave?
It’s much easier for me to write about this than to try and tell someone in person. If I try to tell someone, I crack up laughing. I’m laughing now, but at least I can still type.
If you leave a slice of pizza in the microwave too long, it catches on fire. It also sets off all the fire alarms. All of them! In a boiler room, where there are enormous room-sized boilers being run by very hot, large fires.
So, if a fire alarm goes off in a boiler room, all sorts of fun things happen.
First, the fire department is automatically called — and told that a boiler room is on fire, so the fire department naturally pulls out all the stops and prepares for a huge disaster.
As the fire department is being automatically dialed, all the fire doors around the entire floor of the boiler area are slamming shut. I think my youngest “baby” brother, who is remaining nameless today, said there were 20 of those doors.
I can only imagine the panic and racing around — that my brother was doing. I heard that the rest of the boiler department responded well to the crisis.
They didn’t know what my brother knew though — the huge boilers were in no danger of exploding and burning.
It was just a slice of leftover pizza — just a little overcooked.
I understand my youngest brother is catching a good bit of good-natured razzing at work now.
“Man, go cook me some pizza,” is a running favorite!
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